I am not really sure where to begin.
I last left my readers off in July when I was struggling wanting to go to massage school.... Since then I graduated and am living in Los Angeles practicing massage and living with my beautiful, amazing, loving twin flame Angelo. Our story is serendipitous, just as spirit likes it to be. We would like to thank the Greyhound Bus to arcata, California for brining us together. ❤️
The path of healing as morphed and transformed with me, as I continue to bring myself closer to light. The journey now is healing my inner child from the departure of my father when I was 7 years old.
My lover and I have the most healing sex; such loving and compassionate energy creating sacred bonds between us, is bound to bring up some serious pain from the past. This happens to most people and usually, if unaware or unconscious of the pain body we all have, they blame the partner for the pain. Luckily I have been studying healing myself for three years now, and I am able to see where I am coming from and heal.
It's not easy feeling the pain caused in my childhood as if it were real again, and I have compassion for those who choose to do what I do, and those who choose not to; either way you got to be strong. It stabbed me like a knife in my gut. So much anger and sadness. I felt unloved and hated, unwanted and uncared for. I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me (so I thought). I was crying so hard I almost lost my breath. The pain had come back into my heart, or I had uncovered what was there in the subconscious mind. All the emotions that I felt when my dad left when I was 7, all the things I never go to say, all the tears I never got to really cry, all the healing that didn't happen then, it was time for it to happen now.
I knew what it was, I understood myself, I still needed guidance. I called Lori, my shaman counselor. She told me the steps I needed to take to heal my wound that was being ripped open. The energy was dense and stagnant, it brought so much sadness and tears to my heart.
"YOU PICKED FUCKING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL OVER YOUR FAMILY"
"YOU LEFT ME WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST, WHERE WERE YOU"
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS"
I would scream as I sobbed. I began to do as Lori guided me to do as well as my angels and ascended masters who were and are with me always and at all times. (They showed they were with me as I was walking to the river by flashing their number 333 to me on a license plate). As I continued to feel my emotions from the past heartbreak my child self had experienced, I called in Holy Mother to help me heal. I imagined white and pink light flowing into the area in my heart where I felt the pain the most, and I prayed to the angels for healing and transmutation. I asked my spirit guides for help, and throughout the process of feeling the pain and wanting to play into it, yet recognizing the need to pull myself closer to love I was able to open, let go, release, and receive the healing and love of the gods and goddesses who help me.
HOW POWERFUL. HOW MAJESTIC. HOW MIRACULOUS. HOW LOVING. The journey of a shaman, one who opens themselves to their wounds and to the Divine Healing. I must say this is something I never expected for my life, yet I am so overcome with empowerment and healing that I know this form of healing is the one I have been looking for.
It's as simple as believing and using your imagination to co-create your healing with the universe. Needless to say I have felt my wounds and overcome another painful subconscious memory and transformed back to it's original state, Love. Because the core reality behind the pain and suffering I experienced as a child was unconditional love. My heart was broken, and now it can be healed.
Believe in the Divine, whoever that may be for you. Healing of the consciousness and soul are provided to us through unconditionally loving spirits who share their light with the world and those who are open to recieve .
With Love
-Lightworker Liv
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Friday, July 25, 2014
Ramblings
I think part of the reason I have such a hard time with school is the lack of personal connection I feel with my peers.
We are all on this journey together, but I don't really have anyone to talk about what my experience is, because they are just not at the capacity of understanding. Oh, the joys of being an Aquarius.
That's why I have my girls (tantra goddesses you know who you are adding a few who aren't in the group but should be), and occasionally my boys, although most have moved away. I am one of those people that needs friends to feel complete... so when the threat of losing a friend comes up, I do everything in my power to make sure that does NOT happen.
There is this guy at school who is on my level. He is taking up something different than I am, but he came in for a massage one day, and I gave him some reiki, and at the end he said "that was awesome, were you meditating or something" and after that we were friends. It's nice to have the closeness with someone in a world that makes you want to feel so separated.... it's all one though, and I am getting to a point where I just love because there is love.
I should probably start blogging more often now that Iris is getting bigger, and I'll be taking online classes, and I will have WAAAAAAAAAY more time to do the things that I have put on hold to finish up massage therapy school. Writing is good for me, and it's a way to get the voice in my head out... the voice that wants to be heard to badly.
Love. God there is so much love in my life right now. I have everything to be thankful for.
I have been learning more about the manifestation process; it's so sacred, and so profound, that words like "gratitude" and "law of attraction" are only parts of the pie.... IT'S A DIVINE BEING SHINING ITS LIGHT THROUGH US TO HEAL OUR SOULS AND SAVE OUR PLANET. It's amazing beyond belief. And this is the focus that I must maintain. I must just keep radiating the positivity, and being grateful for every single thing I have.
From observing the consciousness of my mind, I find that the negative energy is like a parasite that attached itself to my energy field (I remember at one point on my journey being told that you don't know what people's aura's are holding, so always protect yourself and be careful); it was never apart of me, in fact it was an entity of it's own. A life sucking piece of dark matter that wanted to take me down with it, but that's not happening. That negative parasite in my energy field comes from a long history of family karma, of my soul actually GOING to hell.... it's been a rough road for the human consciousnesses, myself included. Unity Consciousness is starting to really take hold nowadays. It's nice. The entity is gone, but there is still work to be done. A good friend of mine, Stasia Bliss, says the work is not done until ALL OF THE HUMAN race knows. We all have to know.... learning to spread the word effectively is a difficult one, thank god I'm not the only one who is doing ti though.
Love Love Love. All you need is love. Ramblings and such.
Going to write a more focused blog about parenting in the near future.
<3 <3 <3
Until Next Time,
-Olivia
We are all on this journey together, but I don't really have anyone to talk about what my experience is, because they are just not at the capacity of understanding. Oh, the joys of being an Aquarius.
That's why I have my girls (tantra goddesses you know who you are adding a few who aren't in the group but should be), and occasionally my boys, although most have moved away. I am one of those people that needs friends to feel complete... so when the threat of losing a friend comes up, I do everything in my power to make sure that does NOT happen.
There is this guy at school who is on my level. He is taking up something different than I am, but he came in for a massage one day, and I gave him some reiki, and at the end he said "that was awesome, were you meditating or something" and after that we were friends. It's nice to have the closeness with someone in a world that makes you want to feel so separated.... it's all one though, and I am getting to a point where I just love because there is love.
I should probably start blogging more often now that Iris is getting bigger, and I'll be taking online classes, and I will have WAAAAAAAAAY more time to do the things that I have put on hold to finish up massage therapy school. Writing is good for me, and it's a way to get the voice in my head out... the voice that wants to be heard to badly.
Love. God there is so much love in my life right now. I have everything to be thankful for.
I have been learning more about the manifestation process; it's so sacred, and so profound, that words like "gratitude" and "law of attraction" are only parts of the pie.... IT'S A DIVINE BEING SHINING ITS LIGHT THROUGH US TO HEAL OUR SOULS AND SAVE OUR PLANET. It's amazing beyond belief. And this is the focus that I must maintain. I must just keep radiating the positivity, and being grateful for every single thing I have.
From observing the consciousness of my mind, I find that the negative energy is like a parasite that attached itself to my energy field (I remember at one point on my journey being told that you don't know what people's aura's are holding, so always protect yourself and be careful); it was never apart of me, in fact it was an entity of it's own. A life sucking piece of dark matter that wanted to take me down with it, but that's not happening. That negative parasite in my energy field comes from a long history of family karma, of my soul actually GOING to hell.... it's been a rough road for the human consciousnesses, myself included. Unity Consciousness is starting to really take hold nowadays. It's nice. The entity is gone, but there is still work to be done. A good friend of mine, Stasia Bliss, says the work is not done until ALL OF THE HUMAN race knows. We all have to know.... learning to spread the word effectively is a difficult one, thank god I'm not the only one who is doing ti though.
Love Love Love. All you need is love. Ramblings and such.
Going to write a more focused blog about parenting in the near future.
<3 <3 <3
Until Next Time,
-Olivia
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Feels
Feeling.
What is it that i feel
when my voice begins to speak inside my mind.
that little part of me that controls the time.
intuition perks.
when new things come into my fruition.
Never losing track of the moment
Ego pops in... she knows how to do the job
but sometimes she let's herself get carried away by all of the outside world
what would you expect her to do? Not play?
Soul Olivia the healer inside
The majestic flying pegasus
She wants nothing but the love she feels to be everyone's reality
Love is her reality
It was the reality of all realities
Until she realized that she was through
She was done be told what to do in this and in that
She merely wanted to be free....
and that was a fact.
The desire to love combined with hope overpowers fear on any occasion.
Any at all.
The task for you to do is FEEL and BELIEVE
Writing my own script, staying in the moment
Do what is this and what is that
Pretty soon I'll be doing a lot of thinking
Leaving this school of feeling.
Oh the wonders that it has done for me
I am can really see what it is that I now need to be.
I am a feeling creature AND thinking creature too
I know that the two combined will make me upright and honest and thorough and true
What is it that i feel
when my voice begins to speak inside my mind.
that little part of me that controls the time.
intuition perks.
when new things come into my fruition.
Never losing track of the moment
Ego pops in... she knows how to do the job
but sometimes she let's herself get carried away by all of the outside world
what would you expect her to do? Not play?
Soul Olivia the healer inside
The majestic flying pegasus
She wants nothing but the love she feels to be everyone's reality
Love is her reality
It was the reality of all realities
Until she realized that she was through
She was done be told what to do in this and in that
She merely wanted to be free....
and that was a fact.
The desire to love combined with hope overpowers fear on any occasion.
Any at all.
The task for you to do is FEEL and BELIEVE
Writing my own script, staying in the moment
Do what is this and what is that
Pretty soon I'll be doing a lot of thinking
Leaving this school of feeling.
Oh the wonders that it has done for me
I am can really see what it is that I now need to be.
I am a feeling creature AND thinking creature too
I know that the two combined will make me upright and honest and thorough and true
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
I'm still human
I did it again, but this time it didn't hurt so much.
I opened my heart to another one of those amazing men, and of course it got shut down pretty quickly. Do I do this to myself? Is this my karma? Maybe a man isn't what I need? I feel like the universe is fucking with me.... but then again I am the creator of my world My heart doesn't hurt, but I am realizing that my root chakra needs some serious healing love and light... and that I have been doing. Loving myself. Loving the fucking shit out of myself. Every step of the way.... love love love love love.
My mind is the selfish one. I think about what I want out of this life the majority of the time, and my desires just overwhelm my thought consumption. My mind has a fucking mind of it's own.... it's so weird. I am constantly fantasizing and dreaming about the day I meet my future husband, that when I meet any guy I instantly want to make him that person.
God how I wish I could go home and just lay down and go to sleep, but there is so much to do... all the time. Adjusting to mom life, work life, my new life. It's all an adjustment... which is why I am taking psychology of adjustment next semester... learn a thing or two.
So here's the new deal I am making with myself. From now on I am going to be selfless when I am doing my work as a therapist, when I am with my daughter.... and then when I am by myself I am going to nourish myself with thoughts that make me feel yummy and orgasmic. I want that more than anything. I want to love and be loved. So I'll do both for myself right now. My life is so amazing, and I am so happy with the financial success I will be achieving within a few months, which is definitely going to make my life a lot easier... I'm not one to leave a trace, ya know? That guy will come. I know he will. I just have to stop wanting it so badly that I don't let myself have it.
I'm still a human. I am a spiritual being having a human experience, and I am still a human.
<3 <3 <3
this too shall pass; one day when I'm with my husband I'll look back and laugh at myself so hard for wanting to be with him so bad when the time just wasn't right.
Until Next Time,
-Olivia
I opened my heart to another one of those amazing men, and of course it got shut down pretty quickly. Do I do this to myself? Is this my karma? Maybe a man isn't what I need? I feel like the universe is fucking with me.... but then again I am the creator of my world My heart doesn't hurt, but I am realizing that my root chakra needs some serious healing love and light... and that I have been doing. Loving myself. Loving the fucking shit out of myself. Every step of the way.... love love love love love.
My mind is the selfish one. I think about what I want out of this life the majority of the time, and my desires just overwhelm my thought consumption. My mind has a fucking mind of it's own.... it's so weird. I am constantly fantasizing and dreaming about the day I meet my future husband, that when I meet any guy I instantly want to make him that person.
God how I wish I could go home and just lay down and go to sleep, but there is so much to do... all the time. Adjusting to mom life, work life, my new life. It's all an adjustment... which is why I am taking psychology of adjustment next semester... learn a thing or two.
So here's the new deal I am making with myself. From now on I am going to be selfless when I am doing my work as a therapist, when I am with my daughter.... and then when I am by myself I am going to nourish myself with thoughts that make me feel yummy and orgasmic. I want that more than anything. I want to love and be loved. So I'll do both for myself right now. My life is so amazing, and I am so happy with the financial success I will be achieving within a few months, which is definitely going to make my life a lot easier... I'm not one to leave a trace, ya know? That guy will come. I know he will. I just have to stop wanting it so badly that I don't let myself have it.
I'm still a human. I am a spiritual being having a human experience, and I am still a human.
<3 <3 <3
this too shall pass; one day when I'm with my husband I'll look back and laugh at myself so hard for wanting to be with him so bad when the time just wasn't right.
Until Next Time,
-Olivia
Monday, July 14, 2014
My struggle is this.
I WILL NOT be a parent who spanks, I WILL NOT be a parent who yells at my child, I WILL NOT treat iris with disrespect or with anything less; and I will NOT allow anyone to watch her who thinks that that is okay... It's too damn important, she is too damn important. So I am calling it in, that person who is going to be able to treat iris with respect, compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love when she is older... it's okay now with my mom because Iris can't talk yet... but as she is approaching the later ages of childhood my mom just doesn't seem to fit into the idea I have for what I want iris to experience, what my child needs to experience. I am calling in all the help I can get on this issue. I believe that I will find a person who loves iris as much as I do and treats her with compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love. I cannot express how important this is to me angels, I am in need. I need to know that that person is going to be there with me in Washington to watch iris while I go to school. Someone who is safe for Iris to be around. This is what I need, and this is what I deserve. And So It Is.
-Olivia
I WILL NOT be a parent who spanks, I WILL NOT be a parent who yells at my child, I WILL NOT treat iris with disrespect or with anything less; and I will NOT allow anyone to watch her who thinks that that is okay... It's too damn important, she is too damn important. So I am calling it in, that person who is going to be able to treat iris with respect, compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love when she is older... it's okay now with my mom because Iris can't talk yet... but as she is approaching the later ages of childhood my mom just doesn't seem to fit into the idea I have for what I want iris to experience, what my child needs to experience. I am calling in all the help I can get on this issue. I believe that I will find a person who loves iris as much as I do and treats her with compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love. I cannot express how important this is to me angels, I am in need. I need to know that that person is going to be there with me in Washington to watch iris while I go to school. Someone who is safe for Iris to be around. This is what I need, and this is what I deserve. And So It Is.
-Olivia
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
moments after moments
It's these moments of stability that I crave.
And the great part about it is, if I continue to work at it I can be stable for the rest of my life.
I have a stable income.
I have a stable home.
I have stable relationships.
My foundation is healed, my root chakra is a beaming color of ruby red, and these color visualizations are what keep me stable and balanced and in the NOW.
The hard part isn't keeping it there, it's getting it there... putting all THOSE puzzle pieces together, and finally seeing the big picture.
Fighting the urge to do whatever learned behavior it was before that hurt me so badly in the first place... it was never the other person, it was always me.
It was always my subconscious negative self talk that got in the way of me thriving and getting the gold.
I don't ask why much, but damn... why did I have to do that to myself?
To re-learn who I was?
The illusion does not have an answer to why... the illusion is not real.
Real or not real.
That's always the question.
Is this re-al-it-y that I am experiencing emotionally real?
Most times, no.
Most times, never.
The illusion pops up and I don't really believe it anymore.
What's the point?
Do I need to go down the path of disillusionment?
Nope.
Never do I NEED to do that.
Bonnaroo is just one big illusion... but there is the truth that spreads it self there.
Illusions. fantasies.
Keeping me from reality.
Because my reality is too much?
Nope. Not at this point in my life.
In fact my reality is just right.
Pursuing my dreams of being a world-renowned healer.
Finishing up massage school.
Sacred sacred sacred.
It's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL sacred!
So that path of illusion....
it was sacred too?
yes, yes it was.
And I learned something from it....
I learned about fear, I learned about greed, and I learned about anger.
Through transformation I gained love, through transmutation I gained compassion, through observation I gained knowledge, and through that knowledge I realized that competition does NOT exist, that jealousy is a farce... and that giving away my fucking power is not fucking worth it.
The illusion wants something it can't have... I can give it my power, but it can't do anything with it.
I can feed it as if it were real, but it will never be real.
It's sad how badly it craves something that it can't have....
Well, it craves something that it can't have in the way they it wants it
It gets what it needs
I need stability
I need stability
I need stability
<3 and it's okay
Illusions, fantasies, games.
Letting it go.
Seeing the light.
Living my bliss.
Being my true authentic self.
It's worth it, you all should try it.
And the great part about it is, if I continue to work at it I can be stable for the rest of my life.
I have a stable income.
I have a stable home.
I have stable relationships.
My foundation is healed, my root chakra is a beaming color of ruby red, and these color visualizations are what keep me stable and balanced and in the NOW.
The hard part isn't keeping it there, it's getting it there... putting all THOSE puzzle pieces together, and finally seeing the big picture.
Fighting the urge to do whatever learned behavior it was before that hurt me so badly in the first place... it was never the other person, it was always me.
It was always my subconscious negative self talk that got in the way of me thriving and getting the gold.
I don't ask why much, but damn... why did I have to do that to myself?
To re-learn who I was?
The illusion does not have an answer to why... the illusion is not real.
Real or not real.
That's always the question.
Is this re-al-it-y that I am experiencing emotionally real?
Most times, no.
Most times, never.
The illusion pops up and I don't really believe it anymore.
What's the point?
Do I need to go down the path of disillusionment?
Nope.
Never do I NEED to do that.
Bonnaroo is just one big illusion... but there is the truth that spreads it self there.
Illusions. fantasies.
Keeping me from reality.
Because my reality is too much?
Nope. Not at this point in my life.
In fact my reality is just right.
Pursuing my dreams of being a world-renowned healer.
Finishing up massage school.
Sacred sacred sacred.
It's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL sacred!
So that path of illusion....
it was sacred too?
yes, yes it was.
And I learned something from it....
I learned about fear, I learned about greed, and I learned about anger.
Through transformation I gained love, through transmutation I gained compassion, through observation I gained knowledge, and through that knowledge I realized that competition does NOT exist, that jealousy is a farce... and that giving away my fucking power is not fucking worth it.
The illusion wants something it can't have... I can give it my power, but it can't do anything with it.
I can feed it as if it were real, but it will never be real.
It's sad how badly it craves something that it can't have....
Well, it craves something that it can't have in the way they it wants it
It gets what it needs
I need stability
I need stability
I need stability
<3 and it's okay
Illusions, fantasies, games.
Letting it go.
Seeing the light.
Living my bliss.
Being my true authentic self.
It's worth it, you all should try it.
Friday, June 20, 2014
The details.
Oh the details of life.
I used to say "all of the details take care of themselves", but in that I am not finding very much truth. Root chakra is the details- making sure we have everything we need in order to do the task at hand.... run a household, run a business, run a marathon, shit run life. I have a serious problem with pay attention to the details, and in that I find that's where most of my drama comes from.... me not paying attention to the details of the scene; forgetting to put the dishes up, forgetting to initial an appointment time in the book.... it's the little things that add up to the explosive dramatic reactions from others... they get so mad at me. My mom screams, my classmates get frustrated.... I am hindering them with my lack of attentiveness. Attention deficit disorder... I say that certain things don't bother me, and maybe they don't, but I have a feeling that they're going to bother me.... lack of attention to detail is a gateway for chaos to enter. Chaos in this world creates all these angry, frustrated, upset feelings.... order is what maintains the love. I must be the order in chaos. I need to make lists, so I can make sure that I have everything I need. I always miss something though.... I want to make it my goal not to miss a thing. I want to make it my goal to do it right the first time-I did not have a very good teacher when it came to that stuff.... but at this point I know what to do, now it just takes practice. I might need a list for everything, which I am okay with.
I am about to move into my own apartment, and I think being a good mom ensures paying attention to the details, and I really can't afford to buy Iris something new every time I forget it. Getting deeper into my root chakra, and clearing out all that is no longer needed. My spiritual journey is now on a basic level, and it's quite nice.As co-creator it is my job to make sure that I have everything I need in order to have a good time... I accept my job.
-Olivia
I used to say "all of the details take care of themselves", but in that I am not finding very much truth. Root chakra is the details- making sure we have everything we need in order to do the task at hand.... run a household, run a business, run a marathon, shit run life. I have a serious problem with pay attention to the details, and in that I find that's where most of my drama comes from.... me not paying attention to the details of the scene; forgetting to put the dishes up, forgetting to initial an appointment time in the book.... it's the little things that add up to the explosive dramatic reactions from others... they get so mad at me. My mom screams, my classmates get frustrated.... I am hindering them with my lack of attentiveness. Attention deficit disorder... I say that certain things don't bother me, and maybe they don't, but I have a feeling that they're going to bother me.... lack of attention to detail is a gateway for chaos to enter. Chaos in this world creates all these angry, frustrated, upset feelings.... order is what maintains the love. I must be the order in chaos. I need to make lists, so I can make sure that I have everything I need. I always miss something though.... I want to make it my goal not to miss a thing. I want to make it my goal to do it right the first time-I did not have a very good teacher when it came to that stuff.... but at this point I know what to do, now it just takes practice. I might need a list for everything, which I am okay with.
I am about to move into my own apartment, and I think being a good mom ensures paying attention to the details, and I really can't afford to buy Iris something new every time I forget it. Getting deeper into my root chakra, and clearing out all that is no longer needed. My spiritual journey is now on a basic level, and it's quite nice.As co-creator it is my job to make sure that I have everything I need in order to have a good time... I accept my job.
-Olivia
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