Tuesday, May 6, 2014

no name and unfinished just how i like it

It's been quite a while since I have had the time to write. I am happy I woke up early to study, and of course the urge came, and I just had to come here.

When I say SO much has been going on, it's true, my life consists of my dreams, Iris' dreams, and the demands made for me to perform. I struggle with the urge every single day to just leave this whole societal dream behind, and go live in the woods.... my rebel wants to watch this city burn to ashes, unfortunately my rebellion nature is not my journey this lifetime, and that's where my true challenge comes from... not nessecarily finding the motivation to get things done, but finding the meaning as to why I am here. I have been doing a really good job of containing my rebellion nature, but she is a fighter. She wants more than anything to be free to do whatever she pleases, to go whereever she wants to go, but that's just not happening right now. She has to deal with the day to day hustle, the back to back early mornings, and the truth is this struggle is helping her grow... I was made to concern myself with the whole, and despite my rebellious nature, I have this huge heart that loves every single person in humanity, and I want to reach them so badly.... it's such a paradox, I want to reach the people to set them free of this system.... I can't rebel yet, I have to emerge myself into this place, make a name for myself, do the paper work, jump through the stupid fucking hoops.... GOD DAMN it makes me so fucking angry that I have to jump through all these hoops to prove myself worthy of a certain title. I am so sick of this approval-based society.... I didn't come here to be approved of, and I am having to go against everything I believe in to get to where I want to be, so I can share my belief systems with the world, so I can reach all of the people.