moments after moments

It's these moments of stability that I crave.
And the great part about it is, if I continue to work at it I can be stable for the rest of my life.
I have a stable income.
I have a stable home.
I have stable relationships.
My foundation is healed, my root chakra is a beaming color of ruby red, and these color visualizations are what keep me stable and balanced and in the NOW.
The hard part isn't keeping it there, it's getting it there... putting all THOSE puzzle pieces together, and finally seeing the big picture.
Fighting the urge to do whatever learned behavior it was before that hurt me so badly in the first place... it was never the other person, it was always me.
It was always my subconscious negative self talk that got in the way of me thriving and getting the gold.
I don't ask why much, but damn... why did I have to do that to myself?
To re-learn who I was?
The illusion does not have an answer to why... the illusion is not real.
Real or not real.
That's always the question.
Is this re-al-it-y that I am experiencing emotionally real?
Most times, no.
Most times, never.
The illusion pops up and I don't really believe it anymore.
What's the point?
Do I need to go down the path of disillusionment?
Nope.
Never do I NEED to do that.
Bonnaroo is just one big illusion... but there is the truth that spreads it self there.
Illusions. fantasies.
Keeping me from reality.
Because my reality is too much?
Nope. Not at this point in my life.
In fact my reality is just right.
Pursuing my dreams of being a world-renowned healer.
Finishing up massage school.
Sacred sacred sacred.
It's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL sacred!
So that path of illusion....
it was sacred too?
yes, yes it was.
And I learned something from it....
I learned about fear, I learned about greed, and I learned about anger.
Through transformation I gained love, through transmutation I gained compassion, through observation I gained knowledge, and through that knowledge I realized that competition does NOT exist, that jealousy is a farce... and that giving away my fucking power is not fucking worth it.
The illusion wants something it can't have... I can give it my power, but it can't do anything with it.
I can feed it as if it were real, but it will never be real.
It's sad how badly it craves something that it can't have....
Well, it craves something that it can't have in the way they it wants it
It gets what it needs
I need stability
I need stability
I need stability
<3 and it's okay
Illusions, fantasies, games.
Letting it go.
Seeing the light.
Living my bliss.
Being my true authentic self.
It's worth it, you all should try it.