I am not really sure where to begin.
I last left my readers off in July when I was struggling wanting to go to massage school.... Since then I graduated and am living in Los Angeles practicing massage and living with my beautiful, amazing, loving twin flame Angelo. Our story is serendipitous, just as spirit likes it to be. We would like to thank the Greyhound Bus to arcata, California for brining us together. ❤️
The path of healing as morphed and transformed with me, as I continue to bring myself closer to light. The journey now is healing my inner child from the departure of my father when I was 7 years old.
My lover and I have the most healing sex; such loving and compassionate energy creating sacred bonds between us, is bound to bring up some serious pain from the past. This happens to most people and usually, if unaware or unconscious of the pain body we all have, they blame the partner for the pain. Luckily I have been studying healing myself for three years now, and I am able to see where I am coming from and heal.
It's not easy feeling the pain caused in my childhood as if it were real again, and I have compassion for those who choose to do what I do, and those who choose not to; either way you got to be strong. It stabbed me like a knife in my gut. So much anger and sadness. I felt unloved and hated, unwanted and uncared for. I wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt me (so I thought). I was crying so hard I almost lost my breath. The pain had come back into my heart, or I had uncovered what was there in the subconscious mind. All the emotions that I felt when my dad left when I was 7, all the things I never go to say, all the tears I never got to really cry, all the healing that didn't happen then, it was time for it to happen now.
I knew what it was, I understood myself, I still needed guidance. I called Lori, my shaman counselor. She told me the steps I needed to take to heal my wound that was being ripped open. The energy was dense and stagnant, it brought so much sadness and tears to my heart.
"YOU PICKED FUCKING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL OVER YOUR FAMILY"
"YOU LEFT ME WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST, WHERE WERE YOU"
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS"
I would scream as I sobbed. I began to do as Lori guided me to do as well as my angels and ascended masters who were and are with me always and at all times. (They showed they were with me as I was walking to the river by flashing their number 333 to me on a license plate). As I continued to feel my emotions from the past heartbreak my child self had experienced, I called in Holy Mother to help me heal. I imagined white and pink light flowing into the area in my heart where I felt the pain the most, and I prayed to the angels for healing and transmutation. I asked my spirit guides for help, and throughout the process of feeling the pain and wanting to play into it, yet recognizing the need to pull myself closer to love I was able to open, let go, release, and receive the healing and love of the gods and goddesses who help me.
HOW POWERFUL. HOW MAJESTIC. HOW MIRACULOUS. HOW LOVING. The journey of a shaman, one who opens themselves to their wounds and to the Divine Healing. I must say this is something I never expected for my life, yet I am so overcome with empowerment and healing that I know this form of healing is the one I have been looking for.
It's as simple as believing and using your imagination to co-create your healing with the universe. Needless to say I have felt my wounds and overcome another painful subconscious memory and transformed back to it's original state, Love. Because the core reality behind the pain and suffering I experienced as a child was unconditional love. My heart was broken, and now it can be healed.
Believe in the Divine, whoever that may be for you. Healing of the consciousness and soul are provided to us through unconditionally loving spirits who share their light with the world and those who are open to recieve .