I don't think I can even count the amount of times a day that I leave the now moment... It's funny because my body is automatically in the now; always where it needs to be, but it's my mind that wants to wander far out into the abyss and dwell on the past or fear the unknown future. I drive myself crazy. I have been meditating and doing yoga consistently for about a year now, and I have to remind myself everyday "it has taken you 22 years to become this way, and it will take you time to no longer be this way... change is a process, it takes time". I'm not nessecarily frustrated with the circumstances that I am in, because honestly my "now" moment is me sitting in the computer lab at school writing this blog, it's the past events of this weekend that want to sneak up on me and ask "how did that happen" or the expected arrival of my child that wants to make me fearful of the future.
I recoginze, and am continuing to recgoinze how important it is to mindfully tell myself "be here now, Olivia". Our mind has the ability to look at the past and future for a reason, and I can't tell you that reason, but it definitely becomes a problem when one completely forgets about what's happening in the now. A lot of where my anxiety comes from is pondering about the future and how it's all going to happen, not trusting the unknown circumstances of how life may or may not unfold, and remembering the awfulness that has happened in my life due to my lack of poor decision making. I must say, I'm getting better, and I have been getting better, but I want to become the NOW. I want to be able to just fully embrace the now moment in all times and space, not precieving my past actions as bad, and not wondering about the future that has yet to come. Only time will tell how my past has created my future, and only the now will create a good future for me.
There is more that I want to right about the Now moment, and I will come back to this as soon as possible.
Until Next Time,
-Olivia
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