I might be crazy

Yep, that's right... me, Olivia Madlock, might be crazy. So to further this, let me fist post the google definition of what crazy means.

crazy: mentally deranged, esp. as manifested in a wild or aggressive way. OR extremely enthusiastic.

I think people would probably consider me mentally deranged if they heard about the dreams that I had, found out that I believed in ancient aliens, other worlds, and actually attempted to make heaven a reality on earth. I get so fucking pissed off when I realize that the institution I'm living in completely looks down upon anybody knowing anything about the truth... I need to stop because this rant isn't going to make much sense.

So here is where I'm at. I have been exploring the 4th demension, which is the magical world. In this magical world is where the fight between good and evil begins, and you can reach this magical world through astral projection, which I have experienenced. I recently learned about the 5th demension, which is the miraculous world, the first level of Heaven. In this world there is nothing but good things.... I got my way to the magical world through prayer, letting go of 3rd demensional ideas that would have held me back, and believing that it was real.... and talking about it with my friends, who in fact may be crazy too because they believe what I believe too. Anyway, so we all recently found out about the 5th demension, after existing in the 4th demension for sometime, and we have decided to take the voyage into the unknown to get where we need to be in order to experience Heaven on earth i.e. the miraculous world.

Of course, when jumping demensions, you face many challenges. The first always being the fear of the unknown; you litterally just have to believe that this place exisits, you have to know that by saying you're going to the 5th demension you'll get there, and you have to just have faith. Once you get past your fear of the unknown, there then begins the transformation of the self you thought you were into the self you are actaully supposed to be; your true authentic self, your self that was made in God's image. This self of yours is your soul, and is dying to manifest outwardly in the 3rd demension, but is waiting for your mind, heart, and action to be aligned so it can create through you. You see the mind and heart and intuition have been tainted over the millieniums of human existence, and many things have been created that are not the REAL nor do they speak of any real.... and this is where I want to scream.

Why in the world did we have to make it so hard for us to just be our true authentic selves? Why do we have to struggle so much to just be who we were supposed to be in the first place? I was born into this world and since the BEGINNING I was told that I needed to be this, and this, and this, and this and this, and I feel like nobody gave me the fucking room to find out who I was REALLY supposed to be this lifetime. I get overwhelmed with feelings of vulnerabilitiy, which isn't a bad thing, but the anxiety that comes with it is what makes me crazy. I know that I can't look outside of myself to know who I really am, but when I feel so anxious and covered in horrible feelings I NEED to look outside of myself to figure out what the fuck I'm actually trying to tell myself on the inside. Turmoil just boils over because I am trying so damn hard not to step on people's toes, not to run from myself anymore, and all I want to do is feel peace.

Scene change: Here is why I'm crazy. I may or may not have gotten pregnant by a schizophrenic homeless person who lives in another world and thinks that he has some sort of control over me.... (it is totally okay to laugh at this, because I'm laughing too). When it comes to accepting love I am absolutely terrified and that's when I start feeling this anxiety, and then the person that I am dating has to deal with my flightiness of "maybe we shouldn't do this" because I'm too damn afraid to see where it may or may not go... My belief in other worlds makes me see things, makes me see other light beings. I can see other people's higher selves if they are shining, I see flashes of black when bad energy is around, I see flashes of white when good energy is around. My inutition is VERY sensitive, and controls my emotional responses to things. I used to be addicted to drama when I was a kid, I watched way too much Laguna Beach. I don't think the person that I behave as now is actually who I am, I think that my true authentic self is just itching to come out but I have to break down my ego so she can actually be set free. I know that the person I truly am is a beautiful, divine expression of life... and I'm not hating on my ego, she's doing the best she can do with what she knows, but the truth is she doesn't know enough to make it through this world  like soul knows. Soul has done this many times before, soul has gained a ton of wisdom from the many journeys she has been on.... so I'm done trying to be this ego person. I surrender to the soul exisiting within me, I surrender to the light within me. I no longer fight my true authentic self, I just allow her to shine. I'm tired of feeling anxious, I'm tired of feeling disconnected from source, I just want to be the light and love so I can share my light and love.

Until Next Time,

-Olivia