Sunday, November 11, 2012

I had a dream about you last night

and in this dream we were in school together again; he was there again too. I didn’t really pay much attention to him, I guess my subconcious mind has forgiven him, to say the least. I was so utterly happy in the dream. Not nessecarily happy, but comfortable, content. We were going to school together, making plans together, doing everything together. I miss that. I miss thoughs days when there wasn’t even a question as to what we were doing, because we knew we were in together. I had my soulmate, my partner in crime, my person, the one I leaned on, the one who leaned on me. I wasn’t alone, I had you.
Now that we’ve parted, and gone our seperate ways, I find myself feeling lonely at times. When the emotions come up I want to call you, I want to talk to you, I want you to tell me that it’s all okay. It only took a couple of seconds to realize though, that I’m never alone; I always have myself. Thus I posed the question as to “if we always have ourselves, why do we have other people”. The emotion that ran up after that was, heavy, discerning, empty. That question made me feel more lonely in the world than thinking I was actually alone. I have yet to come up with a solid answer to that question. I support myself in everything; I support my emotions, I support my decisions, I support everything. My ego says “i don’t really need anybody else then” but my soul longs for a companion in this world. Why? I thought about maybe it’s because I loved you before, and I was lucky enough to meet you again, and love you again. I know that’s what it is. You were my lover in a past life, you were. When we died we promised to come back to one another next life time, and remember.
I don’t think you want to remember, I don’t think you care. I want you to care though. I want you to see that you love me the most just as I love you the most. We are soulmates, we are lovers, friends, companions, we are eachother’s person. You cut me out of your life completely though. I want to tell you this in person, I want to show you that this is it; we’re it. I know you’re not ready to believe that yet. I’m not ready to believe that yet. I keep thinking the time will come when we meet again, and maybe it will. I want it to, I want it to so bad. I know I have to continue supporting myself in these emotions though; and that’s what I’ll keep doing.

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