Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Accepting fully

There are so many parts to me that boggle my mind; the way I change myself when I am around others, still exists. I become someone that I am not. My true self is pure love, for myself and for all around me. She never leaves me, her grace guides me through the drakness of my fearful emotions. She trusts herself fully and forever, and never once doubts the thoughts that come into her mind, whether good of bad. Her duality becomes one and she is now the center of all that is. But when around certain people she hides. I don`t know whether it is my empathetic nature to pick up on other people's feelings, I don`t know if I do it because of a learned behavior. For whatever reason my higher self becomes afarid of her power when it comes to sharing with others. Its because that powerful loving girl doesnt want to feel vulnerable to others' love for her. My concious self is her body guard, protecting her insecurities through anger, jealousy, doubt, and all fear-based, egotistical feelings. Why is it nessecary? Why in the world do i want to protect myself from MYSELF!!!????? Is this the duality that we as a humanity have been fighting for years? All the wars on money, land, oil, other people etc all came down to this; realizing he battle is within. The social interaction is one of the most interesting wonders to the world. The last three weeks I spent alone, and during that time I delved deep into myself. I swam in my pool of emotions, I healed myself as much as I could, and when the time was right, I came back. I came back to a place where I had made my second family. It`s funny how things work out that way, and you don`t even notice it. You ask for things, they come to you wihout even realizing it. However, if you are fortunate enough in this lifetime to recieve the knowledge of love-(the truth of all beings), your mind will drastically change. Life becomes more and more of a dream everyday, and the only thing that keeps me in this reality is my emotional and physical relationships.  I can spend all day by myself thinking, never once coming down from the clouds. However, it is even in that time I am living in the reality of realness; feeling, and the five senses are probably the one thing in my life that allows me to feel who I am, fully and completely. I can feel the senses alone, I do feel the senses alone whether concious of it or not. I judge myself for wanting to do it with someone else, and really enjoy all the pleasures in life. I want to let go of that. I allow my past, still to this day, effect me in so many ways. The scars are real, the pains and fears are still there; "Well I have had my heart broken so many times". I have allowed myself to feel heartbreak for far too long. The falling in love process with another human being, is really a feeling of falling in love with yourself.  I am still learning to fully love all of myself, but the one thing I do know, is that I am on the right path

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