Sometimes you open a door for yourself, and you walk in... you like what you see at first, but as you go deeper into the room you had created in a far and long ago dream, you realize you are no longer the person who created the room, and you don't need to be there.
That's what has happened with me and my excursion to Florida. I met a man, well a fake man at that. His age said he was a man (37 to be exact) but his lack of responsibility clearly threw him in the boy category. I didn't care at the time, because I too was in fact running from my responsibilities... I thought maybe we could turn this irresponsibile gravy train around together, and head back up to the place I call home. His inability to relate to my dream world got in the way, and I'm now sitting at a hotel using their nice flat screen Dell computuer, all alone.
I begged him to come with me "please, will you just get me home, so I don't have to hitchhike alone" I whined as I fought off the bugs that had been biting me since we had been camping out. "You'll be fine alone, just go" and that's what I did. Sure, I took all of the blankets, because who knows where I'm going to sleep tonight.... and what kind of "man" leaves a 22 year old girl on the road to hitchhike alone? It's the principle of the situation really. I know that I'm safe, and I'll be arriving back in Chattanooga scott free to head to my court date for an incident that happened a year ago...
Now I'm left wondering why in the world did I create this whole situation? Was there a need for me to recreate my parents relationship so I could know what not to create? Was there something else happening that I needed to miss so I could just come back in to Chattanooga and begin creating the life that I REALLY want?
Once you realize that you are the soul creator of your world, and what's around you the pressure of life seems to increase... I headed down to my roots to see what my family had created for themselves, and as I soon realized that it was a garden full of sorrow and anger did I pull up the roots to create a healing situation for myself. For the past nine months I have been on a journey to discovering my true essence, because the real Olivia was buried with emotional and physical baggage that she could have continued to carry, but has learned to let go. The thing is this, I'm done with the anger and sorrow of my drama of life, and I'm now going to create a pure healing life for myself.
It's a beautiful, wonderful, exciting way to live... as much as I love drugs, sex, and rock and roll I'm over the whole Chattanooga Party Scene. Expect to see me at the Yoga Landing and working at Whole Foods. See you cats later.
Until Next Time,