I have been feeling a lot of anger lately and I'm just going to let it all out. For some reason I have been allowing other people's judgement of my life effect me, and it's probably because I'm a human but it's okay. Let's get this straight real fast...
I don't give a FUCK what you think about my situation and how I "illegitimately" got knocked up by some homeless person that I met while travelling... it's my story, not yours so you can just back the FUCK up and leave your comments about living an honest life.... I LIVE MORE OF AN HONEST LIFE THAN YOU WILL EVER EVEN KNOW. It makes me laugh how people are oh so quick to judge me when they are probably still lying to themselves about who they are and what they came down here to do. But as I know, anger needs compassion.... so being the good person that I am, I am going to show you compassion. I understand that your life hasn't turned out the way that you want it, and you have no hopes of making it better... and the little stab that you have taken at me about MY life (a life that you are not in fact living might I add) may or may not have made you feel better, or I guess feel some sort of pride... I mean I don't really know what you feel, but it must have made you feel something good in order for you to want to say it. I mean, I'm not going to dwell on what your problem is, I am just going to pray that you find a solution.
Little tiny humans come into this world and no nothing about morals, and ethics, and judgements, and it is our job as elders/parents/lovers to teach them one thing, and that is HOW TO LOVE. Judgement is not a part of life. Iris is going to know exactly what happened between her father and I, and that is not going to stop her from knowing how to love. SHE WILL NEVER FEEL BAD ABOUT NOT BEING LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, because she will know by watching me, despite said "adversity", separation is an ILLUSION, it does NOT EXIST, therefore we are all one. I will not allow my daughter to feel separate from everybody else because I got pregnant without being married. "The bible says..." no, no, no.... MAN TAMPERED WITH THE BIBLE BABY, there is no way Jesus judges me and denies me from heaven because I brought a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE HUMAN INTO THE WORLD. I will say this, I may have wanted her for selfish reasons, and to be honest, most people who have children do want them for selfish reasons, but now I am learning how to be totally selfless.
So with all of this said, despite what some may think (and of course I am attracting these feelings to me because I feel them somewhere deep inside) I am going to be a bad ass mother fucking mom, and all that really matters is that Iris is loved and knows how to become her true authentic self. :)
With all that said I let it go, I forgive myself for feeling guilty, I forgive others for their judgments.
Until Next Time,