I have been paying attention to my emotional cycles lately, and here is where I am at right now.
I went and laid Iris on mother earth and we sat outside as the dogs ran around. I got a physic vision of Micheal being on his way to Chattanooga, and I immediately realized that whatever I send to the universe will determine the outcome of whether or not I see him. I was very clear in what I wanted, (which made me realize that the reason I have had such bad luck with men was because I was never really too sure as to what I wanted in a partner, so the universe was all like "is this what you want?"); I started with what I didn't want, and I said "I don't want to be in a relationship with Micheal"... "I want to be unavailable when he comes to Chattanooga". Seeing him would bring so much trouble into my life and I am seriously no longer creating that for my life. That's the reason why I don't hang out with the people who I used to be friends with. I keep thinking about Kalika, I can really feel this energy that her and I shared... when things got tough inside I would want to fight with her, which makes me realize that it was my choice to argue with her, she never forced me to argue with her... I chose that shit. I learned how to argue from my parents, and I had to play out that drama with someone, right? So I attracted people I could fight with, and hurt their feelings, get my feelings hurt, and never get to solution because that's how I grew up. Thank Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Mary Magdalene, Mother Mary, Mother Teresa, Ganesha, Kali, and all the Gods and Goddesses that that mask no longer has to exist.
I am tapping into my most sensitive, deepest, darkest emotions and I am feeling them, but I am not letting them control me. I have my sword with me, and I am conquering my lies with my truth. When you unveil yourself, you realize what was behind the mask was the unconditional love you were looking for all along, you just covered it up... maybe we thought unconditional love was something we could lose. Maybe because when we were children there was no explanation, or way for us to comprehend the amount of hate that surrounded our lives, so we created these masks to protect ourselves. Maybe the fear that we felt created the mask so it wouldn't happen again... after all, tiny humans are the most fragile emotionally. A lot of craziness surrounded me when I was a child; yelling, hitting, drug dealers chasing my dad trying to kill him, my mom never been available for me... when I look back and realize all of the events that happened in my childhood it is seriously a miracle that I did not end up worse off. Damn, our psyches, our bodies, remember every single feeling we have ever felt... I felt legitimate fear one too many times when I was a child, but I have no memory of it in my mind, it's all in my body. Is it our mind that does it to the body? The masculine tries to control the feminine, tries to tell it what to feel, when to feel, how to feel, what it needs.... it's like "woah, back up a second buddy, I think I have a pretty good idea of what I need". When a baby is born that is its first experience of fear... right? Is fear just a concept in our minds? Is fear a belief system that can be reversed? I guess that's what I have been doing by healing myself, reversing the pain, telling myself that what I feel is no longer needed....
This is deep, deep healing work being done here in my body, in my mind, in my spirit. I can only hope that my friends are feeling this. Things that used to matter so much now make no sense as to why they were important, demons that used to control my thoughts no longer exist. I got deep DEEP into myself and I come out brand new each time and I really want more people to come with me. It's what is truly needed, and the time is now. The age of Aquarius is here, Peace is the outcome. I know, slowly but surely everyone will get there.
Until Next Time,