Lost

I can't imagine a world without cars, planes, trains, and the vast transportation we have nowadays. How did we get to this point? Have we always been here? History shows all the terrible things that have happened, throughout the world, but the funny thing is... Olivia Claire Madlock wasn't there. Was my soul there? If my soul was there, can I remember what I went through? Do I want to remember? Will it help the healing process?

I woke up at 212am to an empty house, and my roommates car gone. I instantly slipped into the anxious place I used to go to when I would wake up and my mom wouldn't be at home. Pure fear. I tried to go back to sleep, I called everybody a couple of times, I didn't want to be alone... espceially not at night. I went back to sleep and woke up at 11am. Dark images of a terrible car accident involving my roommate were playing through my head. I had to know where they had gone. I walked to the house where I thought he might be. As I walked I started asking myself why I feel this way; my intuition was filled with so much fear and anxiety. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know where I was going. I was just following this terrible gut feeling most of the time. That's when I realized that my intution isn't always right... in fact, it's almost always wrong. My heart stopped beating so quickly once I saw the car at the house. I sat down in the grass. I knew that my anxitey issues were something that came from a past life, and from this life which is why they were carried upon me now. I wanted to heal them. I want to heal myself fully. I'm so tired of this bird's eye view that I have, but when I come back down from flying around seeing my life from God's perception, I miss it. It's so scary sometimes though... I feel so unreal. I feel like I'm a robot being controlled by something that I know nothing about. Is that what's happening? We can say that we know God, but have any of you ever seen God? My sketical nature is rearing its ugly head in order to ground me back down into this world. I can go up up and away, and I may get lost if I don't have a compass or map to know where I'm going. I want to focus on the life of Olivia rather than the life of others right now, because let's face it there is A LOT I want to do. I want to let go of all these creative blocks I have, and I want to create something amazing for myself... something long lasting, worthwhile, and enjoyable. I'm so grateful for everything that I already have. It's time that I let go of whatever needs to be let go of. Until Next Time, -Olivia