Thursday, March 21, 2013

yoga classes and ex-boyfriends

Good morning world!

I hope everyone out there is having a lovely, lovely Thursday morning! I don't know if any of you out there do yoga, but I went to my first hot yoga class last night and let me tell you, it was AMAZING. Sweating and stretching my body with 25 other people couldn't have been more of a spiritual experience than going to India. Yoga Landing recently opened up in Chattanooga and their first class is complementary, and I just so happened to walk by and poke my head in and come to find out they were having a DJ and hot yoga at six!

You see, I have this ex-boyfriend. I met him while I was traveling... and through that traveling we became very close, but the fighting was annoying and the way he didn't comb his hair got on my nerves too. Although he didn't mind me doing yoga and practicing massage and reiki on him he cared about the way I presented myself to the world and how my emotions were overflowing all the time. Needless to say, my healing process was intense, and I don't blame him for breaking up with me in the middle of San Rafael, CA (he threw my backpack at me and ran away from me so I couldn't find him). Now that I'm back home and he's in Florida he and I have been doing this whole dance of "hey let's get back together" and "i'm still open to the possibility of us" and "uhh... I don't think we're going to work out" and "we're just not on the same page, or equally YOLKED". Being a huge preacher of "your thoughts manifest your world" I am beginning to wonder why in the hell I created this.

At yoga class last night I went into a state of what I'm now going to call "sweaty yoga dreaming" (it can be compared to day dreaming), and through this state I saw the life I wanted to live in ten years: Owning my own business, being a certified yoga instructor, massage therapist and reiki certified, and married to the ex-boyfriend to top things off. I imagined him doing yoga with me at my studio, and helping me with my business selling hula hoops. More so, just being completely in love with my life and with the partner I have chosen to be with for the rest of my life... which brings me to this; Monogamy. Am I too young to even be thinking about a monogamous relationship? Am I ready for the responsibility of sharing my emotions with someone else if I don't even know which emotions are actually mine to share in the first place? Have I explored my sexuality enough to know what I like and how I like it and if my ex is a perfect fit to be with for the rest of my life? No, no, no, no, no! DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. Fantasizing can turn into a creation, which can turn into your life, and when you get to that point and you're there and you realize "oh shit, I was never ready for this" or "oh shit, I didn't even want this in the first place" you're still in luck, actually. BUT. I would rather just avoid all the hassle of this game and no longer play it. With that said, any of you out there with ex-boyfriends who you're on again and off again with, there's a reason; and we all know it. I'm bored, and lonely, and filling a gap that needs to filled, but it doesn't need to be filled by him any longer. If it were supposed to happen it would have happened, if it is going to happen, then it will, but for right now I'm sticking to my sweaty yoga classes and vibrator as a means of love until I can confidently say that I know what I like, how I like it, and when I want it.

Until next time,


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